At work, I was feeling sooo down and gloomy to the point that I made so many careles mistakes that caused my supervisor to get so pissed. She sorta scolded me and people were aware how angry she was so they all kept quiet. Awkward much? Hella yeah. Anyway, I apologized and told her what i was going through and I guess she understood. On another note, I made so many careless mistakes because it was some calculation thingy that I had to do. Hello? I failed maths. Go figure.
At 5.45pm sharp, I left the office, headed home, and got ready to attend Gary's memorial service. I was crying all the way home from the office. Sigh. When I got there, I was shocked to see soooo many people who came to pay their respects. Gary really was popular and made an impact on so many people's lives. Amazing dude. Anyway, some of his closest friends talked about what a good friend he was and I felt really touched. They also sang 'Thank You For The Cross' twice and that made me cry, some more. I think when I hear this song again, confirm cry.
After the service, we all got the chance to enter his house and pay our last respects. The queue was looongggg. I spotted Stephanie and went to greet her. We hugged and tears just flowed out, yet again. I'm so emotional. So, the sister, Nisha, Stephanie and I queued together and awaited our turn to enter the house. As my turn got nearer, I spotted Gary's picture and cried. We walked, said our last goodbye and I cried some more.
As we were walking out, we greeted his family members. I gave his sister, Sarah a hug and couldnt find words to say. Instead, she told me how Gary remembers me and how he used to mention me. Those words made me cry and she told me to be strong. I think I was supposed to console her, not the other way round but what to do? I was such an emotional wreck. I greeted his other family members and managed to stay more calm.
When my tears stopped flowing, Desiree told me 'You know, Gary kept telling me that we should call you out and go for makan makan'. Oh boy, at that time even more tears came out!!! Damn cannot tahan. I also wanted to call him out for makan makan but I am a little toooo late. All this while, i thought that I was just a normal friend to him, a friend he rarely meet but I guess I was wrong. Or am I perasan? Hmm.
Even as I am writing this, I can feel the tears wanting to come out but I am controlling it. The saddest scene was his girlfriend. She looked stone and was crying non-stop with her friends standing by her side to console her. Poor girl. And poor family members as well.
When we left his house, it was close to midnight. It was tiring because we had to walk uphill all the way to his house and all the way down...from the main entrance of the taman. Wahlao, good exercise but...tiring.
I guess I am very very sad because of the way he left us. If it was a natural death, I woudlnt feel so upset but this is like some crazy mystery and its too sudden, too soon. Sigh. Whatever it is, I still must move on. Like Rene said, Gary wouldnt wanna see any of us sad. He wants to see the joker joke side of me. Yes, I shall try to be happier.
One thing I learned at the memorial service would be in life, we must finish the race. This leads me back to my internship. I am halfway reaching the finishing line with 6 weeks to go. I must complete the race with confidence, positive energy and grace. Thanks Pastor, for the message that hit me so hard in the head.
I am also still keeping Gary's last sms to me, which was sent on my birthday. The more I read it, although its just like a short sentences, I still feel so sad. That's my only latest memory of him and I shall keep it forever with me.
Lastly, Gary will be deeply missed. the sister and I will miss his charming smile. For me? I think I will miss his laughter and the way he talks and also his friendliness. I will forever cherish whatever memories I have of him from when we were kids.
Rest in peace, Gary. Do pay me a visit in my dreams, some day :)
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