A Testimony From Yours Truly.

Happy Blessed Easter everyone!!
Well, since its Easter, I thought of sharing my own testimony of how God answered my prayer. I dont know why the sudden decision but I just felt that it was kinda appropriate since its Easter and I just wanna prove that God does listen when you are in need, or in my case, when I am about to do something stupid that can probably ruin my reputation >.<

I never or dont think I've told anyone this before. So, yeah...get the exclusive here!!

Last year, I learned a new word - DISCERNMENT, which means 'Finding God's Will In A Sea Of Nonsense' or in a nicer way, 'calling on the Holy Spirit to lead or give direction on a matter'. Anyway, discernment seemed to be the 'hot new thing' in town last year, from what I observed la. I heard a lot of stories of Catholic couples who discern before getting into a relationship with a certain someone and a lot of people I know were also in the discerning mode. Some people discern for other reasons but I cant pin-point it here.

So, being a blur Catholic, I asked my Godma 'How do you discern? How do we know that God is answering our prayers? What if we are too blur to realize?'. So, she explained it to me quite briefly how it all happens. Brief enough for me to understand la. See? Thats what Godmothers do. They educate. LOL. A few days later, she sent me a forwarded mail that was related to praying and why God answer and dont answer our prayers sometimes. Quite a good mail tho.

Before I got the mail, I was going through some stuff. To be more in detail, the stuff had something to do with a guy I truly, madly and deeply had feelings for. The basic signs I had was feeling nervous whenever I see him, over-excited by just looking at him and my heart beats faster when he's around. It has always been the same with every other guy I liked in the past but this was different. With him, I felt comfortable being myself whenever we hung out, I was daring enough to actually talk to him and crap with him, we even had a topic to talk about when we were together and I was definitely not shy around him. I was pretty certain that he might just be "THE" one.

So, with all these *He's the one* signs, I decided to do something that I have never done in long time. I decided to tell him how exactly I feel. I wanted to tell him how I felt so badly not because I was expecting something from him like a chance to be his girlfriend or whatever in return. I just wanted him to know that there are some super shocking sparks and I am suffering by keeping this all to myself. Okay, not entirely all to myself. I did tell my close friends and that was it. Anyway, it was definitely suffering. Liking him and seeing girls always around him made me feel even worst. I could not keep it as a secret anymore.

I talked to my 2 friends about telling him how I feel. One felt that I shouldnt say anything and just zip it but another friend said I should get it over and done with since its been inside me for so long. She felt it was time that he knew and for me to get it all out of my system. So, of course I took my friend's advie and planned to tell him. I practiced what to say and even when to say it. I had it all planned and believe it or not, I was excited.

While planning what to say, where to say it and how to say it, I started feeling nervous. I was afraid that I might ruin our friendship or he might freak out and cut ties with me or he'll do whatever thats possible to make me feel foolish. With these thoughts flying in my mind, I decided to pray, or should I say 'discern'. I asked God for His opinion. I asked if it was the right thing to do. If it was or wasnt, at least show me a sign or tell me directly so that I will not proceed with my plan and kill my water face.

After I prayed, I never saw or met him at all. I was waiting for the day to finally meet him so that I can tell him straight up but that day never came. Instead, a forwarded email landed in my inbox. It was the one mentioned earlier that was sent by my Godma. Honestly, I learned a lot from that mail. It shed some light on why God sometimes doesnt answer my prayer and leave me hanging by a moment. It also showed me why God says 'NO' whenever I ask for something stupid or clever. It really opened my eyes.

While scrolling down and reading word by word of that mail, I saw something that totally struck me. I was shocked by just reading it and it all became very clear. It was like as if God was using a long ruler and pointing at this particular phrase.



That phrase made me realize that if I tell him how I felt, it would benefit me by allowing me to let it all out and see how he actually feels about it as well but it never occured to me that what I was planning to do might be a problem to him or get him into trouble. I really never thought of that.

So, thats how my plan on revealing my feelings to him totally took a 180degrees turn. From then on, I knew I shouldnt tell him how I feel. I respected God's answer and forgot all about my sad case plan. There was a few times that I felt so tempted to just blurt it out to him but there was this block at my throat that made me shut up.

See? God works in mysterious ways. He does answers when He wants you to open your eyes bigger. Like He said 'Ask and you shall receive'. That line is really good because it helps us take off our egotistical masks and ask God for help whenever we need it. We shouldnt be too proud or shy or ashamed to ask for help when we need it, be it a small or big problem.

Sometimes, I do wonder what will happen if I did tell him how I felt. Would we still be friends now? Would things get more awkward? Would he give me a chance? I guess I'll never know, will I? I'm just glad my feelings for him now has decreased. I dont think I am thaaat in love with him anymore but I still like him as a friend. No matter how much feelings I've lost along the way or no matter how useless he may be, I will always have a place in my heart for him and he will never find out.

Happy Blessed Easter everyone, once again.

Hugs and Kisses,
Clair.